Post by Louise on Dec 12, 2015 19:51:00 GMT -5
Hey guys. 
I've been dealing with a lot lately.
Which is okay.
So here goes.
Lately I've been dealing with college, finances, people, anxiety, depression, happiness, sadness, madness, and basically life in general.
But the main thing I'll be talking about is my encounters and life.
Just remember to always tell yourself this.
No matter how bad it seems.
Life will always, always.
Get better.
This will be a lifespan from then to now. Ages 1 - 17.
I was a lost girl once upon a midnight's dreary, while I pondered weak and weary.
I had no friends, no life, no happiness. My life, as I thought, was nothing. Or so it seemed.
Age 1: My mom and dad started fighting even more than before I was born. My mom kept saying horrible things to my dad, vice versa.
Age 2: My mom and dad are divorced. They're now fighting over guardianship. My dad wins. My mom said horrible things to the judge during the court session, causing the judge to decide to keep me away from my mom until she saw a psychologist or until I was 18.
Age 3: I never noticed anything happening between my mom and dad, except I wasn't able to visit my mom on weekends anymore. But I ignored it because of my age. My dad also adopts a 3 year old named Donald. I make a friend. Alana.
Age 4: I'm not able to see my 9 year old brother Vova anymore. I start seeing a psychologist.
Age 5: My dad hires a nanny for Don and me. We move out to the countryside. I'm getting teased and pushed around. I tell my dad. He puts me in online school.
Age 6: My mom calls up my dad a lot, only to cause a fight. My mom drops gifts off for me.
Age 7: Don starts bullying me. My mom drops Vova off with my dad before my nanny takes Don and me to the park. My dad and Vova start fighting. I remember Vova telling my dad that my mom would hit him with a chain.
Age 8: My mom comes over a lot, only to fight with my dad. Don and I are quickly rushed outside when this happens. My neighbor Mr. Bob gives me a horse, Minnie. I skip third grade.
Age 9: Minnie gets sick. I can't ride her anymore. I'm still being bullied by Don. Vova starts coming over a lot. I feel like he's the only one who cares about me.
Age 10: Minnie's better. I start riding her again. I stop seeing my psychologist, only to see a different one as well as a psychiatrist. I still get bullied by Don. My grandmother's sick.
Age 11: I start becoming really depressed. Don bullies me and my dad lashes out at me a lot. My mom calls me up secretly and we talk. I start thinking everything that's happening is because of me. I start self-harming. I'm still in online school.
Age 12: My grandma dies. Don stops bullying me. My dad doesn't notice my cuts, and still lashes out at me. I call my mom and tell her about my self-harming. She calls up my dad and tells him what I told her, swearing at him so he'll help me. She drives to our place and starts screaming at my dad. My nanny rushes crying Don and me out of the house. Vova goes to jail. I join real school.
Age 13: I'm diagnosed with anxiety induced depression. My dad keeps a close eye on me. I start taking medication. Vova goes to jail again. I keep a pocket knife with me. I start high school. I try out for the football team and the basketball team. I make both. I meet a guy named Josh.
Age 14: I hit a vein. I'm in the hospital for a while. My only friend, Alana and my family sees me. My family sees me everyday. My mom calls up my dad a lot so I can talk to her because my phone was taken away. Vova is bailed out of jail again, but goes back. Josh and I become a couple. Something horrible happens to me that I can't mention here.
Age 15: I overdose on my medication. I'm in the hospital again. The satisfaction of dying only lasts for a second, then regrets start flowing. My dad buys a dog to cheer me up. I name her Bailey. She's a mutt, but I love her anyway.
Age 16: Minnie has a filly named Charcoal. I'm still on medication and closely watched. Josh and I break up. Vova's in jail again. I'm still secretly cutting.
Age 17: Vova's straightened out and finds a girlfriend. I ended my 12th grade year. I'm in Duke University. I got a scholarship. I stopped cutting. I find a guy who cares about me. My mom sees a psychologist so I can see her now. She visits me often. My dad and mom have stopped fighting.
Everything has gotten better. I might have waited a long time, but it's worth it. So no matter what comes your way, life always has a plan. You may doubt life, but no matter what you think is put in your way to ruin you, it's only there to make you stronger. You may be going through what I was going through. Or something similar. And I had my doubts. But I decided to take the right road. The road that took me through all this, and got me out successfully.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Just a side note.
This is not intended to bring attention to me.
It's intended to show you my past, and show you that even through all this, my life has still gotten better.
I've been dealing with a lot lately.
Which is okay.
So here goes.
Lately I've been dealing with college, finances, people, anxiety, depression, happiness, sadness, madness, and basically life in general.
But the main thing I'll be talking about is my encounters and life.
Just remember to always tell yourself this.
No matter how bad it seems.
Life will always, always.
Get better.
This will be a lifespan from then to now. Ages 1 - 17.
I was a lost girl once upon a midnight's dreary, while I pondered weak and weary.
I had no friends, no life, no happiness. My life, as I thought, was nothing. Or so it seemed.
Age 1: My mom and dad started fighting even more than before I was born. My mom kept saying horrible things to my dad, vice versa.
Age 2: My mom and dad are divorced. They're now fighting over guardianship. My dad wins. My mom said horrible things to the judge during the court session, causing the judge to decide to keep me away from my mom until she saw a psychologist or until I was 18.
Age 3: I never noticed anything happening between my mom and dad, except I wasn't able to visit my mom on weekends anymore. But I ignored it because of my age. My dad also adopts a 3 year old named Donald. I make a friend. Alana.
Age 4: I'm not able to see my 9 year old brother Vova anymore. I start seeing a psychologist.
Age 5: My dad hires a nanny for Don and me. We move out to the countryside. I'm getting teased and pushed around. I tell my dad. He puts me in online school.
Age 6: My mom calls up my dad a lot, only to cause a fight. My mom drops gifts off for me.
Age 7: Don starts bullying me. My mom drops Vova off with my dad before my nanny takes Don and me to the park. My dad and Vova start fighting. I remember Vova telling my dad that my mom would hit him with a chain.
Age 8: My mom comes over a lot, only to fight with my dad. Don and I are quickly rushed outside when this happens. My neighbor Mr. Bob gives me a horse, Minnie. I skip third grade.
Age 9: Minnie gets sick. I can't ride her anymore. I'm still being bullied by Don. Vova starts coming over a lot. I feel like he's the only one who cares about me.
Age 10: Minnie's better. I start riding her again. I stop seeing my psychologist, only to see a different one as well as a psychiatrist. I still get bullied by Don. My grandmother's sick.
Age 11: I start becoming really depressed. Don bullies me and my dad lashes out at me a lot. My mom calls me up secretly and we talk. I start thinking everything that's happening is because of me. I start self-harming. I'm still in online school.
Age 12: My grandma dies. Don stops bullying me. My dad doesn't notice my cuts, and still lashes out at me. I call my mom and tell her about my self-harming. She calls up my dad and tells him what I told her, swearing at him so he'll help me. She drives to our place and starts screaming at my dad. My nanny rushes crying Don and me out of the house. Vova goes to jail. I join real school.
Age 13: I'm diagnosed with anxiety induced depression. My dad keeps a close eye on me. I start taking medication. Vova goes to jail again. I keep a pocket knife with me. I start high school. I try out for the football team and the basketball team. I make both. I meet a guy named Josh.
Age 14: I hit a vein. I'm in the hospital for a while. My only friend, Alana and my family sees me. My family sees me everyday. My mom calls up my dad a lot so I can talk to her because my phone was taken away. Vova is bailed out of jail again, but goes back. Josh and I become a couple. Something horrible happens to me that I can't mention here.
Age 15: I overdose on my medication. I'm in the hospital again. The satisfaction of dying only lasts for a second, then regrets start flowing. My dad buys a dog to cheer me up. I name her Bailey. She's a mutt, but I love her anyway.
Age 16: Minnie has a filly named Charcoal. I'm still on medication and closely watched. Josh and I break up. Vova's in jail again. I'm still secretly cutting.
Age 17: Vova's straightened out and finds a girlfriend. I ended my 12th grade year. I'm in Duke University. I got a scholarship. I stopped cutting. I find a guy who cares about me. My mom sees a psychologist so I can see her now. She visits me often. My dad and mom have stopped fighting.
Everything has gotten better. I might have waited a long time, but it's worth it. So no matter what comes your way, life always has a plan. You may doubt life, but no matter what you think is put in your way to ruin you, it's only there to make you stronger. You may be going through what I was going through. Or something similar. And I had my doubts. But I decided to take the right road. The road that took me through all this, and got me out successfully.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Just a side note.
This is not intended to bring attention to me.
It's intended to show you my past, and show you that even through all this, my life has still gotten better.